i think i've mentioned it before, but since my memory is shot, i'll mention it again. going back to work this time feels different than the last. after dylan, i knew i needed my benefits, i knew we were going to try to get pregnant soon, and i knew that i was going to have another "best time of my life" again. with evan, things are a little open.... am i going back to work in perpetuity again, are we going to have another baby? when he outgrows something, it is going away forever? i'm not good with that much finality with my life changes. i feel like with with first baby, you have no idea what you're doing, the second one is more like practice, and the third should be easy....
as far as having our 4th...i need to deeply consider the following:
1) is it because i want to go on maternity leave again?
2) is it because i love babies and once they stop listening to me, i want to have another newborn that won't actively defy me?
3) is it because i still have something to prove with the universe, for taking away musubi?
but i do LOVE babies, my babies...
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
popcorn ceiling
dylan was sleeping in puo-puo and gong-gong's bed and at first he said the ceiling looked like stars, and then he changed his mind and said that the the ceiling looked hairy (mao-mao). such an observant son.
so i've brought the boys home to seal beach to spend some quality time with the grandparents because it will be difficult to find the time when i go back to work. i can't seem to shake that sentiment of not being ale to find time to do things important to me when i go back. my to do list is getting shorter, but i'm not confident that i'll be getting a A for excellence for its completion by the time i return to work. there are some key moments of realization i've had on this maternity leave:
1) what i want does not correlate with reality. ex. i want to be able finish packing in 90 min, but in reality it will take 3 hours. ex. I want to loose all of my baby weight in less than 6 months, but in reality it will take probably more like 9-12 months.
2) i really need to focus on the present moment. too much of my focus is spent reflecting/lamenting about the past, of which i cannot change, and or concerned/pensive about the future. like the book says, you need to be in the moment to the extent of almost having an out of body experience, as if you were dying in that moment.
3) i need to be more grateful and express more gratitude everyday.
4) i need to be more useful and productive as it relates to our family household.
these are a few...and i'm sure there's more.
so i've brought the boys home to seal beach to spend some quality time with the grandparents because it will be difficult to find the time when i go back to work. i can't seem to shake that sentiment of not being ale to find time to do things important to me when i go back. my to do list is getting shorter, but i'm not confident that i'll be getting a A for excellence for its completion by the time i return to work. there are some key moments of realization i've had on this maternity leave:
1) what i want does not correlate with reality. ex. i want to be able finish packing in 90 min, but in reality it will take 3 hours. ex. I want to loose all of my baby weight in less than 6 months, but in reality it will take probably more like 9-12 months.
2) i really need to focus on the present moment. too much of my focus is spent reflecting/lamenting about the past, of which i cannot change, and or concerned/pensive about the future. like the book says, you need to be in the moment to the extent of almost having an out of body experience, as if you were dying in that moment.
3) i need to be more grateful and express more gratitude everyday.
4) i need to be more useful and productive as it relates to our family household.
these are a few...and i'm sure there's more.
2013 leftovers
- our first flight with both boys was to socal in december. We took dylan to disneyland and california adventures and he loved it! we left evan with puo-puo and gong-gong, but they met us for dinner and spent the night at the disneyland hotel. we had such a great time, even though we only made it on 3 rides at disneyland and 2 rides are CA adventures: we did finding nemo, cars, and it's a small world at disney and flying tires and i think bumper chugs at CA adventures, but at least we were able to see the water show. it was so nice to have a nice night cap of coffee and milkshakes on our walk back to the hotel. it was worth it to see dylan drag puo-puo onto the dance floor at downtown disney, and how excited dylan was making lightening mcqueen the next day at the build a car store.
-we also took dylan to the long beach aquarium - which was a first for all of us. it has such a great outdoor play area and we'll definitely be back.
-brazilian blow out
-swimming lessons
-evan's first trip to carmel
-berkeley day
-fire station tour
-NYE was surprisingly fun. we went from having no plans to being invited over to the Hans. we thought it was just for drinks, and we had shucked oysters, frisse salad with caviar and a perfectly poached egg, lobster rolls, nothing bundt cake, and brian's banana bread for dessert. tuffle cheese??? it was all so delish! it was such a nice way to end 2013 and start out 2014.
-we also took dylan to the long beach aquarium - which was a first for all of us. it has such a great outdoor play area and we'll definitely be back.
-brazilian blow out
-swimming lessons
-evan's first trip to carmel
-berkeley day
-fire station tour
-NYE was surprisingly fun. we went from having no plans to being invited over to the Hans. we thought it was just for drinks, and we had shucked oysters, frisse salad with caviar and a perfectly poached egg, lobster rolls, nothing bundt cake, and brian's banana bread for dessert. tuffle cheese??? it was all so delish! it was such a nice way to end 2013 and start out 2014.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
gingerbread baby and big brother
a lot of milestones for 2014 for evan - our gingerbread baby, plucky as can be, i'll be friends with you, if you'll be friends with me. he loves it when baba sings that song. when i sing it and i'm tired, it comes out as gingerbread monkey. not sure why. he had his first cold this past weekend. he was feverish and has a runny/congested nose. we tried to give him some tylenol last night and he had two severe bouts of projectile vomiting. it was so sad, and this was after an hour long feed.
i wish i had an adequate way to describe the sound of evan's giggling, or the squeals of glee from dylan as he scooters down our hallway, balancing on one leg. but i don't. i imagine in like the bells of heaven, and i'm not even religious.
evan sleeps in our bed now, because he's outgrown the bassinet and all of his stuff is in the pack and play. dylan is still in "his" room and i'm still working on his new room/ aka our office. just like his big brother, he's sucking the same 2 fingers on his right hand. we think he said "baba" tonight. he likes it when i blow raspberries on his stomach, or just blow raspberries in the air. he just giggles, and giggles, and it's just bliss.
evan starting cooing earlier this year. it's so sweet. his skin is so sensitive with eczema and he has crazy, cradle cap, and when i look into his big brown eyes, i just melt.
i think i hear a mouse in this room, oh and my thighs are burning from my first soul cycle class.
i wish i had an adequate way to describe the sound of evan's giggling, or the squeals of glee from dylan as he scooters down our hallway, balancing on one leg. but i don't. i imagine in like the bells of heaven, and i'm not even religious.
evan sleeps in our bed now, because he's outgrown the bassinet and all of his stuff is in the pack and play. dylan is still in "his" room and i'm still working on his new room/ aka our office. just like his big brother, he's sucking the same 2 fingers on his right hand. we think he said "baba" tonight. he likes it when i blow raspberries on his stomach, or just blow raspberries in the air. he just giggles, and giggles, and it's just bliss.
evan starting cooing earlier this year. it's so sweet. his skin is so sensitive with eczema and he has crazy, cradle cap, and when i look into his big brown eyes, i just melt.
i think i hear a mouse in this room, oh and my thighs are burning from my first soul cycle class.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
what a difference a year makes
it's hard to believe that a year ago, evan was just 2 cells and there was just a moment of vomit recognition that i might be pregnant at in and out burger, post drinks with anson. note to self, i must eat the good luck sweet beans during new years day. another successful fong xmas eve party under our belt, and i hacked and coughed my way through it. i think it might the last year i actually make something (sweet potatoes/yams) two ways again. it's just too much work the day of and too many cooks in the kitchen. the flowers were great, the holiday decorations were on point, and i have nothing to say about the plaid table cloth that debuted this year on our dining room table. Lee was santa this year, and the kids say 2 xmas carols, dylan was the star, isabella and sofia had equal stink-faces with matching slug enthusiasm. evan was happily passed around and sunggled with everyone and it was an exhausting good time. brian's parents came back to open presents on xmas day and then we went over to belin's for a nice, relaxing dinner. so far, the gifts that are hits: the 3 wheeler from the Lees from costco that i haven't decided if we should keep, the magnatiles, the good night concrete site book from jill, the magnatiles from santa and the cash register from tutu & yehyeh. he did like the art easel and the dusty table and chair set, but we haven't opened them yet.
i wish i could bottle these memories up, and keep them fresh on my shelf forever. time for me to read the instruction manual of my new camera so that i can try to capture these memories the best that i can.
i wish i could bottle these memories up, and keep them fresh on my shelf forever. time for me to read the instruction manual of my new camera so that i can try to capture these memories the best that i can.
bittersweet
another xmas has zoomed by and as i get older, i've become more grossly sentimental. i sent an email to dr. k last night, wishing him season's greeting and sharing with him that once again, i turned into emotional mush in the car ride home from belinda. as i watch the boys grow up, i can't help but think that i was cheated out the experience of watching musubi grow up. at least that journey led me to dr k, and to 2 healthy boys.
dylan
he has so much spirit, and enthusiasm. i love that he dances until he falls down, that he dragged puo-poo to the middle of the dance floor at downtown disney. i love that the musical together teacher praised him on his rhythm and pitch. i still stare at him with wonder and awe that "I made that" or more accurately that Brian and I made that. i love that he's almost potty trained, and gives us the espn play by play of what's going on. "annuger one, big one, BIG one!" when it comes to his man-size poops. about a month ago, i was blowing on evan's face to wake him up to finish his feed and dylan was watching me. he said it was "tang tang". of course my boob is hot, that's why i'm blowing on it.
Evan
our little "snuggle-bum" is growing as fast as lightening mcqueen. he's over 16 lbs, is wearing 6-9 months clothes and just wants to snuggle all day. his nickmames have been: "dimples, mr. dimps, double Ds" but lately he's been "snuggle bum, snuggle bumps (variation from Brian) and mumford has been calling him "chubba bubba". he's a professional snuzzler, giggler. he has pretty sensitive skin, with a rash that fades in and out on his face and mean crusty case of cradle cap, but i still think he's so cute. his big eyes, his big cheeks, and all the folds, all over the place! it's hard to put him down. he's heaven in my arms and i can't stand it that he's growing up so quickly. last night he soiled his my first xmas santa outfit, and i swear i was microns away from tearing up thinking that this might be the last time i wash the poop from this outfit. could it be? will there be another fong wearing this outfit in our future?
annuger one?
i'm the first one to wave my hand with reckless abandon to say that i LOVE babies. the way they smell, they way they coo, the way their eye crinkle when they laugh and smile (Evan's eyes turn into little moon-shapes). and I admit the responsibility of having children is enormous, of which i am still learning how to adapt and cope with the responsibility of 2 boys. it's a wonder since i'm barely responsible for myself. but i can't help but feel depressed when i start packing away evan's clothes, thinking that this it it.... i can't help but feel even more depressed at the notion of going back to work...in perpetuity? I love being off during the holidays. i was so sad coming home last night thinking that this might be the last time that i really get to enjoy the holidays. maybe i won't be retail anymore, which will be refreshing, at least in the near term, it's in my destiny and that part makes me incredibly depressed.
am i the same?
motherhood clearly changes you. i ran into bridget when i was in the office last week and she told me that she gave marybeth and earful about me. i wonder how much of what she said about me still holds true. like i told brian yesterday on our way back from belin's, am i wired to just have a job, and not have a career? i don't think i could switch gears like that at sephora, since i don't want to tarnish my reputation, but so much is uncertain. already i feel like i haven't made up from the lost time this year with dylan, working so much for kendo...and that's what i MUST do. starting now.
dylan
he has so much spirit, and enthusiasm. i love that he dances until he falls down, that he dragged puo-poo to the middle of the dance floor at downtown disney. i love that the musical together teacher praised him on his rhythm and pitch. i still stare at him with wonder and awe that "I made that" or more accurately that Brian and I made that. i love that he's almost potty trained, and gives us the espn play by play of what's going on. "annuger one, big one, BIG one!" when it comes to his man-size poops. about a month ago, i was blowing on evan's face to wake him up to finish his feed and dylan was watching me. he said it was "tang tang". of course my boob is hot, that's why i'm blowing on it.
Evan
our little "snuggle-bum" is growing as fast as lightening mcqueen. he's over 16 lbs, is wearing 6-9 months clothes and just wants to snuggle all day. his nickmames have been: "dimples, mr. dimps, double Ds" but lately he's been "snuggle bum, snuggle bumps (variation from Brian) and mumford has been calling him "chubba bubba". he's a professional snuzzler, giggler. he has pretty sensitive skin, with a rash that fades in and out on his face and mean crusty case of cradle cap, but i still think he's so cute. his big eyes, his big cheeks, and all the folds, all over the place! it's hard to put him down. he's heaven in my arms and i can't stand it that he's growing up so quickly. last night he soiled his my first xmas santa outfit, and i swear i was microns away from tearing up thinking that this might be the last time i wash the poop from this outfit. could it be? will there be another fong wearing this outfit in our future?
annuger one?
i'm the first one to wave my hand with reckless abandon to say that i LOVE babies. the way they smell, they way they coo, the way their eye crinkle when they laugh and smile (Evan's eyes turn into little moon-shapes). and I admit the responsibility of having children is enormous, of which i am still learning how to adapt and cope with the responsibility of 2 boys. it's a wonder since i'm barely responsible for myself. but i can't help but feel depressed when i start packing away evan's clothes, thinking that this it it.... i can't help but feel even more depressed at the notion of going back to work...in perpetuity? I love being off during the holidays. i was so sad coming home last night thinking that this might be the last time that i really get to enjoy the holidays. maybe i won't be retail anymore, which will be refreshing, at least in the near term, it's in my destiny and that part makes me incredibly depressed.
am i the same?
motherhood clearly changes you. i ran into bridget when i was in the office last week and she told me that she gave marybeth and earful about me. i wonder how much of what she said about me still holds true. like i told brian yesterday on our way back from belin's, am i wired to just have a job, and not have a career? i don't think i could switch gears like that at sephora, since i don't want to tarnish my reputation, but so much is uncertain. already i feel like i haven't made up from the lost time this year with dylan, working so much for kendo...and that's what i MUST do. starting now.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
2 month check up
evan is cruising through his checkups. i'm starting to sound like a broken record with my commentary about time flying by. he was 23.25 inches (64 percentile) and 13 lbs and 6 oz (86 percentile). just this week his cradle cap has become a little bit more extreme. i couldn't find the special shampoo we bought for dylan, so i bought a new bottle from amazon prime. it is scary amazing and dangerous how easy online shopping is these days.... evan is cooing now, smiling a lot, and has just about the sweetest, snuggly disposition.
firsts (evan)
i mentioned a few firsts, but he too, also made his first trip. it was carmel at the sanctuaryee, just like dylan. we went nov 15-17 to get away for the weekend and to take dylan to the aquarium. dylan is very much into fish right now, particularly after watching finding nemo. he's already wearing 3-6 month clothes, easily, and is also wearing 6-12 months clothes. it's startling how quickly he's outgrown some of dylan's old clothes. he blew through the newborn diapers within a few weeks, size 1 diapers within a few weeks, and has been wearing size 2 diapers for the past ~3 weeks. i'm pretty sure he has 2 dimples on one side of his face. he has double everything! there are a few instances when he reminds me of dylan, and most of them are when he's sleeping on the boob. they have the same milk drunk face. evan had his first halloween, and he was a japanese sumo wrestler. it was difficult to get the wig/hair right, but i went with the subtle approach. we also had a family costume, inspired by brian's suggestion of star wars. hopefully next year will have some fodder to inspire another family costume.
firsts (dylan)
i'm also fascinated by the way dylan's mind works. he's chinese improved significantly when my mom was here, but now i'm noticing that he's speaking a lot more english (to my dismay). one day we were taking a bath, and i was talking to him about washing his butt, and he told me in chinese to wash my own butt. i was a proud mama. there's a lot of pretend play and he uses his imagination and makes a lot of connections which also makes me very happy. he saw a picture of sponges on a toy at kindergym, and he told me that it looks like pasta, and there was a treasure chest of jewels and he said that it was necklace, like tutus. his memory is amazing. we're playing with the monkey rattle that my mom bought dylan, and when i asked him who got that for him, he said "puo puo". he's adjusting well to preschool and has started going 2 days a week in november. it's this strange dichotomy of happiness and wistful sadness to see my boys grow up so quickly.
first (me)
the first time i was alone all day with the boys was nov 1 (tutu and yeh-yeh were in NY). evan was a dream, and dylan had a meltdown because he was so hungry in the morning. even though i wanted to watch finding nemo, we ended up watching some of madagascar instead. i feel a little guilty that i need to resort to electronic devices, but it is what it is. the following week, annie was super sick, so i took care of the kids again by myself on the following thursday. as long as i have access to electricity, i'm fine.
evan is cruising through his checkups. i'm starting to sound like a broken record with my commentary about time flying by. he was 23.25 inches (64 percentile) and 13 lbs and 6 oz (86 percentile). just this week his cradle cap has become a little bit more extreme. i couldn't find the special shampoo we bought for dylan, so i bought a new bottle from amazon prime. it is scary amazing and dangerous how easy online shopping is these days.... evan is cooing now, smiling a lot, and has just about the sweetest, snuggly disposition.
firsts (evan)
i mentioned a few firsts, but he too, also made his first trip. it was carmel at the sanctuaryee, just like dylan. we went nov 15-17 to get away for the weekend and to take dylan to the aquarium. dylan is very much into fish right now, particularly after watching finding nemo. he's already wearing 3-6 month clothes, easily, and is also wearing 6-12 months clothes. it's startling how quickly he's outgrown some of dylan's old clothes. he blew through the newborn diapers within a few weeks, size 1 diapers within a few weeks, and has been wearing size 2 diapers for the past ~3 weeks. i'm pretty sure he has 2 dimples on one side of his face. he has double everything! there are a few instances when he reminds me of dylan, and most of them are when he's sleeping on the boob. they have the same milk drunk face. evan had his first halloween, and he was a japanese sumo wrestler. it was difficult to get the wig/hair right, but i went with the subtle approach. we also had a family costume, inspired by brian's suggestion of star wars. hopefully next year will have some fodder to inspire another family costume.
firsts (dylan)
i'm also fascinated by the way dylan's mind works. he's chinese improved significantly when my mom was here, but now i'm noticing that he's speaking a lot more english (to my dismay). one day we were taking a bath, and i was talking to him about washing his butt, and he told me in chinese to wash my own butt. i was a proud mama. there's a lot of pretend play and he uses his imagination and makes a lot of connections which also makes me very happy. he saw a picture of sponges on a toy at kindergym, and he told me that it looks like pasta, and there was a treasure chest of jewels and he said that it was necklace, like tutus. his memory is amazing. we're playing with the monkey rattle that my mom bought dylan, and when i asked him who got that for him, he said "puo puo". he's adjusting well to preschool and has started going 2 days a week in november. it's this strange dichotomy of happiness and wistful sadness to see my boys grow up so quickly.
first (me)
the first time i was alone all day with the boys was nov 1 (tutu and yeh-yeh were in NY). evan was a dream, and dylan had a meltdown because he was so hungry in the morning. even though i wanted to watch finding nemo, we ended up watching some of madagascar instead. i feel a little guilty that i need to resort to electronic devices, but it is what it is. the following week, annie was super sick, so i took care of the kids again by myself on the following thursday. as long as i have access to electricity, i'm fine.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)