so little one, it's the day before your birthday and it will be on good friday, easter weekend this year. What a surprise. I was hoping that you could come as originally scheduled for next wed 4/19, but as you know...i barely have any control over anything anymore, not that i ever did.
i think at best - i'm trying to remain calm and neutral. if i think about it too much, i'll get overwhelmed, anxious and too emotional to be productive. and for whatever reason, am feeling the need to be productive since we didn't get much down down prior to your birth.
i stopped working last wed, a day earlier than anticipated. again - could've, would've, should've taken more time off. thought that it would still be best to try to set the team up for success, with diana being relatively new to my team and erin still relatively new as well. it was my last professional push to get promoted before you came, knowing that i would have even less to give with a newborn in our lives. so i guess i did it. VP before 40 (barely). wanted to celebrate with another piece of jewelry (pink and chameleon diamond ring) and the prada vela messenger bag, which I should have bought in italy, but haven't pulled the trigger on either. interesting that puo-puo asked if i would go back to work. i still feel like i should ride out the 4 year vesting for my initial sign on bonus and that getting a few years of brand creative/tv, and seeing how the pdt will evolve and relaunch will be good for my career, if i were to stop working full time and consult on the side. Still fantasizing about taking jewelry classes at the academy of art, which i could potentially do if i were to help our brian with the new medical billing...
enough about me, back to you.
i still remember vividly when i found out that i was pregnant with you. I was on a hanover market research call, packing for our 11th year anniversary trip to chicago. I had randomly picked up a pregnancy test from walgreens the day before, since i had just gotten off the pill a few months ago, and my periods were irregular and i was stressed from work and traveling. I couldn't believe how quickly the + sign showed up the test, which i proceeded to drop in B's dopp kit. I freaked out. I got off the phone and called Brian who asked if i was sure and wanted me to take the other test. Why bother - it was + in a nano-second. of course i had to tell noel, since they were joining us on the chicago trip, and i could drink and had dietary restrictions at Alinea... crazy. that was a pretty brilliant adele concert that led us down this path. so from the end of july through our anniversary - i had no idea that i was pregnant. you were able to try some wine from jen turri's wedding, some oysters, etc.
i was pretty nauseated with you well into my second trimester. In fact, i volunteered last minute in Dylan's class during this valentine's day party, and picked up the stomach flu, and right after I finished puking my guts out for 3 days, i found out that i had gestational diabetes. Let me tell you that I DO NOT respond well to people telling me what I can and can't eat. that was/is pretty miserable. i had trouble with my fasting blood sugar levels. it would be such a downer to eat what you don't even want to eat, and be over your blood sugar level, and/or wake up to high levels which would set such a negative tone for the rest of the day for me. Again, goes back to a control thing for me. I do have to apologize though. I couldn't stomach giving myself insulin shots. I could barely do the finger pricks to draw blood for the tests, to which i bought myself several rings to adorn my punctured fingers. I ended being on metformin medication which seemed to help. so far I've gained less than 40 lbs in this pregnancy...which i suppose is the only silver lining during this ordeal. besides being pretty exhausted, layering on hunger, low energy and depression from the GB - this pregnancy has been difficult in many different ways.
I seem to be carrying differently. b says that i don't really look pregnant from the back, and that i'm less wide this time, and protruding out so much more. I also don't have that dramatic of a line down my stomach like i did with the other boys. we'll see what happens. i think i have 18 girl A names, and only 2 viable boy names. It is what it is...and just want a healthy, happy baby.
see you in about 25 hours!
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