Where Do I Start?

Where should I start? From my last post off of my old blog? From the description of my labor? Everything is so different now. There was life before Dylan (B.D.), and life after Dylan (A.D.). It's not life before kids, as for those who know me, life before the loss of our first son was dramatically different as well.

I will start with my need to write things down. I remember when I was in college, which I pretend was not so long ago, that I used to not have an organizer, or be very diligent about writing things down. Don't get me wrong, I took copious during class, it was just that I had that naive arrogance that if something were important, I'd remember it. If I didn't, then it must not have been that important. Well that logic went down the diaper pail when I became gainfully employed after college. I quickly realized that just because I didn't think it was important, didn't necessarily mean that others thought so too....So came the need to write things down.

Then came the desire to write. This was my first post on my first blog:

Monday, February 23, 2004

used to

I used to write. I used to do many things that I don't do anymore. Like waking up sunday mornings and letting the warmth crawl up my toes and letting the sunlight wash over me in a warm haze. Lingering just a little bit more...before I have to move. But I don't have to, if I don't want to, because that's what sunday mornings are for--when you're in love. It's listening to Alice radio's acoustic sunrise and sympathizing with the love songs that pine away for what you have, and shyly smiling when the songs are about exactly how you feel.

But like I said, I don't do that anymore.

Instead I sit in empty parking lots that overlook the bay. I look out to the ocean, the stars and the sky and try to feel small. I try to feel as if I belong to a larger order, a greater cosmic force where things make sense and even nothing means something. But it's not the truth that I'm in search of. It's the "when everything means nothing without you" that I'm after. It's the person you blend in perfect harmony with, who can finish your thoughts with a knowing smile and believes in you more than you believe in yourself when it counts.

Love. Another something that I used to -- that I'm used to.

- posted by Y. @ 8:15 PM


Some say that I have flair for being dramatic. Go figure.

I guess you could say that deep emotional experiences compel me to write, and I do find it somewhat cathartic. I guess I have a penchant for brooding about life, and I have a few friends that find my surmises amusing, so I thought that I would start a new blog on this new chapter of my life--being a new mom. And since I'm a makeup junkie and these same friends that find my pensive remarks entertaining, also know sometimes I can be a touch "fromage-y". (For those of you who didn't take high-school french, fromage = cheese. Sophisticated, Stinky Cheese.) So that's why I couldn't resist the pun in the title.

SO, I plan on writing as much as I can, when I can, wherever I can. If you have comments, questions, thoughts, please feel free to share them with me. No Haters, Please. Life's hard enough and I'd prefer you channel your negativity elsewhere.