down in socal on aug 12th - i woke up to austin crying. he had flipped over on the dock-a-tot. uh-oh. how is it possible that he's flipping over already? He had mastered this by the time we had his 4 mo appointment on Aug 15th. that was when dr. Cleary said "that's done". so now i'm putting him in the pack and play in our room...but i miss him already. the boys' bunkbeds are coming on monday, so the crib will be philosophically ready by next week. he kicks a lot, but he's still a good snuggler when he's milk drunk.
by the end of that week (the week of the 14th) and can make his way across the play mat. unlike the other babies and scooted backwards, he moves forward, catapulting himself like an inchworm with his head. i am not ready for him to be on the move. just not ready.
will never be ready.
Friday, August 25, 2017
the summer of fun!
how is it that it's evan's first day of cornerstone preschool and summer is already over? this was the amazing summer of fun. i've been trying to focus on the mantra of "don't be sad that it's over, be happy that it happened". that couldn't ring more true.
we did a lot this summer:
-weekend trips to carmel - comfort inn and at the santuaryee. fun july 4th with free food in downtown carmel. of course they would have fresh fruit, and fresh blueberries in their lemonade. dylan chatting up a storm with the woman with her kids at the campfire by the beach. we have our family pass down to the aquarium (and even bough passes to gilroy gardens too). discovered great italian and nachos with the yees, and every time we head down there it reinforces the dream of carmel house.
-weekend trip to sacramento:
wanted to take Dylan to a gold mine and pan for gold since he learned about the history of CA in summer school. really enjoyed the train museum and the closest gold mine had a quick tour and seeded some stones for us to find, but still really educational and fun to take the boys. discovered the great bacon and butter breakfast joint that was amazing! somewhat inappropriately dressed for the fancy place dudley recommended for dinner - but still an experience nonetheless.
-weekend trip to legoland:
couldn't believe that it took us 3 hours to drive down there, and we also went to the waterpark on day 1 (a little unprepared without towels), but the boys still had fun. day 2 we got the access wristbands which we put to good use. dylan's favorite was the technics rollercoaster and evan's was the dragon one. although i think he was a little scared of the coasters. bbq is always good... but the bees or the hornets, whatever they were were stressful. the hotel we stayed in was not bad - had good food (b ordered some late night bites)and was walking distance to the park. i'm not sure i would stay at the legoland hotel. seems kind of crazy - altho the sheraton next door with its own entrance might be a good option next time.
-summer school:
it was such a joy to be able to walk/take dylan to and from summer school. he just learned to whistle this summer, so we would walk, talk and he would often whistle home. Tutu was often taken aback when she saw me in the pick up line, like all the other moms from years past. sometimes austin would come with me, sometimes not. part of my exercise regimen included waling to los lomitas to pick up dylan, or walking the dish 2ish times a week (coordinated with picking up evan from cornerstone summer school). i started walking the dish about 8 weeks postpartum, i think the first week dylan went to summer school. still wasn't ready for soul cycle or more strenuous exercise, so took advantage of studio rincon's groupon deal and walked a ton
-hawaii:
dylan declared that new work and hawaii were his favorite places to go to, and evan said new york and seal beach were his favorites. my boys were so tan! dylan was dark chocolate, evan was milk chocolate and austin was caramel. poor dylan was burned a bit on his face. we didn't reapply often enough. i was burned pretty badly along the gap between my underwear and my rash shirt. the sun is so dangerous and damaging. (another lesson in balance - i really enjoyed taking walks, picking up dylan from school, walking the dish...but the tradeoff is that i think my skin was more sun-damaged than ever this summer. *sigh. you can never win). all the boys were great on the flight. fortunately brian flew back - missed his original flight - but made it so that we could all fly out together from LAX. always great to land in hawaii - and see the palm trees, breathe in the balmy air - and so we land with all our glorious luggage. 2 car seats, booster, stroller, 2 large suitcases, 2 carry ons, and the boys had their backpack and i had my large black travel bag. it was a lot. getting the rental car was a joke, considering the fact that brian and dylan took a cab to the rental car office and austin and i were melting outside with all our luggage. at the very least they upgraded our car, and i believe the rental was pretty much free. we were so thirsty that we had to get off the freeway to buy waters before heading out to the hotel. not just any hotel - but the four seasons. i think this is my third four seasons experience. first being the one in vegas for mumford's 60th bday, the brooklyn location and now oahu. our room wasn't ready yet so we ordered food by the pool. it started raining, and it was kind of funny to see the staff try to stuff towels between the break in between 2 umbrellas and we did appreciate the service of them hustling us to the bar and getting an umbrella to walk austin and me there. we had a handicap room, but the views were amazing - the bathroom was ridiculously large. they had the boys' names spelled out with sponges and whale stuffed animals, along with candy and a handwritten note for us. nice touches. of course they had the kids robes and i ordered 2 baby kits, aftersun cream and the nail kit - per belinda's direction. i also helped myself to some baby wipes they had at the diaper changing stations. that is one of the reasons why b likes the 4Cs. they don't nickel and dime you along the way. they had complimentary sunscreen, the snorkeling gear and paddle boards were all free for us to use. they gave us a really nice bag when we asked for a bag to put our wet bathing suits in. the best part was when belinda had arranged for birthday cake to be delivered to our room, but since we had our privacy sign on, they didn't bring it. they did end up bringing to the lounge area, where they coincidentally had an art show with wine, passed appetizers, and a live band by the pool. sweet dylan thought that it was all for him. love that boy to pieces.
it was so nice to hang out with belin's family and to have extra sets of hands. hard to believe that isa is starting high school. we hung out by the pool, the beach, enjoyed their nice buffet spread, went into town to take them to sasbune. not sure the girls enjoyed it...but it was delicious as always. it went by too quickly - and although i did have a chance to enjoy their spa, and had one of the best massages ever - ranked up there with mykonos grand, i left dad's fancy korean shampoo at the spa when i raced in there to use the facilities once more before heading to the airport. glad that we decided to not stay aulani. it looked pretty crowded and b ran into a family who only lasted 1 night - checked out and came to 4C instead.
it was so nice to read on vacation. i had borrowed "ready player one" from christine and finished "big little lies" over the summer.
boys were again great on the plan to maui and it was a late night. drama with checking in because for whatever reason, they didn't have in there notes that i had paid for the 2 bedroom upgrade. the nerve of them wanting to charge me another $2k for the room. not happening. what a dramatic chance in view - as we had a view of the concrete parking lot - but i wasn't going to cause a fuss, the manager wasn't there and the boys were sleeping in the lobby (almost midnight). this time - we were roped into the timeshare presentation. net net, brian's interest level was a 3 and i said mine was a 6 to hopefully get invited again. it was pretty windy the first 2 days, but the boys had a great time at the pool. we hit baby beach a few times, snorkeled, dylan took to boogie boarding pretty well again and comes home telling everything that he swam halfway to molokai. evan snorkeled a little bit, and austin was perfectly mellow in the ocean and in the pool on this trip. mama's fish house was lovely - and it was great to go in the afternoon since the views were incredible, and the reservations we had at star noodle was perfect. we squeezed in a last minute pineapple dole whip run in lahaina on our last night as well, and the boys remembered that we saw the crabs on the sand when we went there for tommy's wedding. pretty incredible.
the downside of the trip - besides spending way too long at the timeshare presentation, was that b was super stressed. he didn't get approval for his permit for the practice, the contractor came back with costs more than $400k over the original estimate and our loan, and a person he hired, that was supposed to be training, decided not to come back after 2 days. it was so sad to see him so distracted and stressed...not much anyone could do, including himself being out in hawaii. hopefully he had 5% of the fun the boys had...and that would be a good time. and there's always the downside of coming home from hawaii. i had wanted to get some exercise in and i can't believe that i didn't make it island vintage coffee...but i did run out to the beach in front of our hotel to stick my feet in the ocean one last time before heading back to the airport...
-concerts:
my man john mayer. incredible. again. loved how he divided his sets into his full band, acoustic, john mayer trio, back to full band and his encore was him whistling and playing piano. HE ALSO PLAYS PIANO. could not love him even more. was so nice to catch up with christine that night. and we book ended our socal trip with ed sheeran. dylan and i had great seats. we had 2 different groups of people wanting to take video/pictures of dylan dancing. ed was incredible but his set was so short. about an hour. john played for 2 hours. if i had to call it...i would still be team john.
we did a lot this summer:
-weekend trips to carmel - comfort inn and at the santuaryee. fun july 4th with free food in downtown carmel. of course they would have fresh fruit, and fresh blueberries in their lemonade. dylan chatting up a storm with the woman with her kids at the campfire by the beach. we have our family pass down to the aquarium (and even bough passes to gilroy gardens too). discovered great italian and nachos with the yees, and every time we head down there it reinforces the dream of carmel house.
-weekend trip to sacramento:
wanted to take Dylan to a gold mine and pan for gold since he learned about the history of CA in summer school. really enjoyed the train museum and the closest gold mine had a quick tour and seeded some stones for us to find, but still really educational and fun to take the boys. discovered the great bacon and butter breakfast joint that was amazing! somewhat inappropriately dressed for the fancy place dudley recommended for dinner - but still an experience nonetheless.
-weekend trip to legoland:
couldn't believe that it took us 3 hours to drive down there, and we also went to the waterpark on day 1 (a little unprepared without towels), but the boys still had fun. day 2 we got the access wristbands which we put to good use. dylan's favorite was the technics rollercoaster and evan's was the dragon one. although i think he was a little scared of the coasters. bbq is always good... but the bees or the hornets, whatever they were were stressful. the hotel we stayed in was not bad - had good food (b ordered some late night bites)and was walking distance to the park. i'm not sure i would stay at the legoland hotel. seems kind of crazy - altho the sheraton next door with its own entrance might be a good option next time.
-summer school:
it was such a joy to be able to walk/take dylan to and from summer school. he just learned to whistle this summer, so we would walk, talk and he would often whistle home. Tutu was often taken aback when she saw me in the pick up line, like all the other moms from years past. sometimes austin would come with me, sometimes not. part of my exercise regimen included waling to los lomitas to pick up dylan, or walking the dish 2ish times a week (coordinated with picking up evan from cornerstone summer school). i started walking the dish about 8 weeks postpartum, i think the first week dylan went to summer school. still wasn't ready for soul cycle or more strenuous exercise, so took advantage of studio rincon's groupon deal and walked a ton
-hawaii:
dylan declared that new work and hawaii were his favorite places to go to, and evan said new york and seal beach were his favorites. my boys were so tan! dylan was dark chocolate, evan was milk chocolate and austin was caramel. poor dylan was burned a bit on his face. we didn't reapply often enough. i was burned pretty badly along the gap between my underwear and my rash shirt. the sun is so dangerous and damaging. (another lesson in balance - i really enjoyed taking walks, picking up dylan from school, walking the dish...but the tradeoff is that i think my skin was more sun-damaged than ever this summer. *sigh. you can never win). all the boys were great on the flight. fortunately brian flew back - missed his original flight - but made it so that we could all fly out together from LAX. always great to land in hawaii - and see the palm trees, breathe in the balmy air - and so we land with all our glorious luggage. 2 car seats, booster, stroller, 2 large suitcases, 2 carry ons, and the boys had their backpack and i had my large black travel bag. it was a lot. getting the rental car was a joke, considering the fact that brian and dylan took a cab to the rental car office and austin and i were melting outside with all our luggage. at the very least they upgraded our car, and i believe the rental was pretty much free. we were so thirsty that we had to get off the freeway to buy waters before heading out to the hotel. not just any hotel - but the four seasons. i think this is my third four seasons experience. first being the one in vegas for mumford's 60th bday, the brooklyn location and now oahu. our room wasn't ready yet so we ordered food by the pool. it started raining, and it was kind of funny to see the staff try to stuff towels between the break in between 2 umbrellas and we did appreciate the service of them hustling us to the bar and getting an umbrella to walk austin and me there. we had a handicap room, but the views were amazing - the bathroom was ridiculously large. they had the boys' names spelled out with sponges and whale stuffed animals, along with candy and a handwritten note for us. nice touches. of course they had the kids robes and i ordered 2 baby kits, aftersun cream and the nail kit - per belinda's direction. i also helped myself to some baby wipes they had at the diaper changing stations. that is one of the reasons why b likes the 4Cs. they don't nickel and dime you along the way. they had complimentary sunscreen, the snorkeling gear and paddle boards were all free for us to use. they gave us a really nice bag when we asked for a bag to put our wet bathing suits in. the best part was when belinda had arranged for birthday cake to be delivered to our room, but since we had our privacy sign on, they didn't bring it. they did end up bringing to the lounge area, where they coincidentally had an art show with wine, passed appetizers, and a live band by the pool. sweet dylan thought that it was all for him. love that boy to pieces.
it was so nice to hang out with belin's family and to have extra sets of hands. hard to believe that isa is starting high school. we hung out by the pool, the beach, enjoyed their nice buffet spread, went into town to take them to sasbune. not sure the girls enjoyed it...but it was delicious as always. it went by too quickly - and although i did have a chance to enjoy their spa, and had one of the best massages ever - ranked up there with mykonos grand, i left dad's fancy korean shampoo at the spa when i raced in there to use the facilities once more before heading to the airport. glad that we decided to not stay aulani. it looked pretty crowded and b ran into a family who only lasted 1 night - checked out and came to 4C instead.
it was so nice to read on vacation. i had borrowed "ready player one" from christine and finished "big little lies" over the summer.
boys were again great on the plan to maui and it was a late night. drama with checking in because for whatever reason, they didn't have in there notes that i had paid for the 2 bedroom upgrade. the nerve of them wanting to charge me another $2k for the room. not happening. what a dramatic chance in view - as we had a view of the concrete parking lot - but i wasn't going to cause a fuss, the manager wasn't there and the boys were sleeping in the lobby (almost midnight). this time - we were roped into the timeshare presentation. net net, brian's interest level was a 3 and i said mine was a 6 to hopefully get invited again. it was pretty windy the first 2 days, but the boys had a great time at the pool. we hit baby beach a few times, snorkeled, dylan took to boogie boarding pretty well again and comes home telling everything that he swam halfway to molokai. evan snorkeled a little bit, and austin was perfectly mellow in the ocean and in the pool on this trip. mama's fish house was lovely - and it was great to go in the afternoon since the views were incredible, and the reservations we had at star noodle was perfect. we squeezed in a last minute pineapple dole whip run in lahaina on our last night as well, and the boys remembered that we saw the crabs on the sand when we went there for tommy's wedding. pretty incredible.
the downside of the trip - besides spending way too long at the timeshare presentation, was that b was super stressed. he didn't get approval for his permit for the practice, the contractor came back with costs more than $400k over the original estimate and our loan, and a person he hired, that was supposed to be training, decided not to come back after 2 days. it was so sad to see him so distracted and stressed...not much anyone could do, including himself being out in hawaii. hopefully he had 5% of the fun the boys had...and that would be a good time. and there's always the downside of coming home from hawaii. i had wanted to get some exercise in and i can't believe that i didn't make it island vintage coffee...but i did run out to the beach in front of our hotel to stick my feet in the ocean one last time before heading back to the airport...
-concerts:
my man john mayer. incredible. again. loved how he divided his sets into his full band, acoustic, john mayer trio, back to full band and his encore was him whistling and playing piano. HE ALSO PLAYS PIANO. could not love him even more. was so nice to catch up with christine that night. and we book ended our socal trip with ed sheeran. dylan and i had great seats. we had 2 different groups of people wanting to take video/pictures of dylan dancing. ed was incredible but his set was so short. about an hour. john played for 2 hours. if i had to call it...i would still be team john.
Thursday, July 20, 2017
he laughed!
at least there's one milestone I've captured. Austin laughed for the first time, with Brian the evening of july 18th. Brian says that he's such a serious baby, that it's extra special when he smiles and laughs. I hope he's as happy as my other happy boys. that is truly one of the things that I'm most grateful for
last appointment
It is now july 20 - and i am finishing a post that just had the title "last appointment". scary how quickly time is flying by. i suppose it was to capture the wistful feelings i had going to my last doc appointment with katz. we had such major milestones together. there was a sadness driving to the appt, there was the pride of sharing austin with the group at this office, and realization of "this is it." as we were discussing birth control options, he had suggested that I come back to be fitted for a diaphragm and i wonder if there was a still the desire to have a need to go back. what a crazy chapter as i close out my 30s. what a blessing to have the family that i have.
Thursday, June 1, 2017
a new low
so it was tuesday the 9th, and i had already committed dylan to submit a science project for school. after one of my many feedings with austin - i hauled him with me to Michaels to buy supplies for dylan's project. mid-way through our shopping trip, he started crying because he was hungry. i had a swaddle blanket on top, and some of the poster board on top of the stroller. i knew he was hungry. this woman came up to me and asked if the baby was ok. i said he was fine, he's hungry. she said that i think the baby needs to be held. i said he's hungry and we just need to go home. i finished up my shopping and headed home.
2 hours later, im peeing in the downstairs bathroom and i hear annie at the door. i come out and apparently the woman had followed me out to my car, and had called child protection services at redwood city, who then called the san mateo county police to send someone to check up on my kids. austin was in the pack n play, dylan was tooling around, evan was taking a nap upstairs. he said the baby seems fine, my older child seems fine. I said i have another one upstairs if we wanted to check up on him as well. he said "might as well since i'm here." i asked if this is going on my record or anything, and he told me to not worry about it, and that it was better to be safe than sorry.
i was:
furious
insulted
humiliated
livid
ashamed
depressed
devastated
(insert infinite negative emotions here)
there was no way i was going to take austin out of the car seat, have him smell my milk and go crazy. my best case scenario was to go home and feed him. i wasn't about to feed him at michaels for an hour feeding him with the plastic plants and stickers.
i called brian afterwards who thought it was ridiculous. i had texted sue, kathy, belinda sobbed to katie maderios, dr. clearly, and recently told ceri. peggy, the other nurse and Dr Katz thought it was ridiculous. Of course Dr K. had the good perspective of saying that if there were 1% chance of helping a child who was truly in need, then it's worth it for these busy bodies to be in everyone's business.
i thought about contacting the county to give this woman a piece of my mind...but don't want to dwell on anything that's negative in my life. what's sad is that this hits at my core. exacerbating my doubts on my capabilities of being a good mom for all of my boys. All i can do is my best. And i resent being judged by other. but i need to let that go.
Let. It. Go.
2 hours later, im peeing in the downstairs bathroom and i hear annie at the door. i come out and apparently the woman had followed me out to my car, and had called child protection services at redwood city, who then called the san mateo county police to send someone to check up on my kids. austin was in the pack n play, dylan was tooling around, evan was taking a nap upstairs. he said the baby seems fine, my older child seems fine. I said i have another one upstairs if we wanted to check up on him as well. he said "might as well since i'm here." i asked if this is going on my record or anything, and he told me to not worry about it, and that it was better to be safe than sorry.
i was:
furious
insulted
humiliated
livid
ashamed
depressed
devastated
(insert infinite negative emotions here)
there was no way i was going to take austin out of the car seat, have him smell my milk and go crazy. my best case scenario was to go home and feed him. i wasn't about to feed him at michaels for an hour feeding him with the plastic plants and stickers.
i called brian afterwards who thought it was ridiculous. i had texted sue, kathy, belinda sobbed to katie maderios, dr. clearly, and recently told ceri. peggy, the other nurse and Dr Katz thought it was ridiculous. Of course Dr K. had the good perspective of saying that if there were 1% chance of helping a child who was truly in need, then it's worth it for these busy bodies to be in everyone's business.
i thought about contacting the county to give this woman a piece of my mind...but don't want to dwell on anything that's negative in my life. what's sad is that this hits at my core. exacerbating my doubts on my capabilities of being a good mom for all of my boys. All i can do is my best. And i resent being judged by other. but i need to let that go.
Let. It. Go.
what's cute
dylan is still wearing the wristband he received when he came to visit Austin in the hospital. he always wants to give austin kisses and hugs, and he too thinks that austin smells good. he is very sweet.
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
gratitude
but there has to be some good, right?
-we were able to make an appt with dr. connie ho for monday and the lab results confirmed that it was not shingles
-i was able to be out and about, and be more mobile, more so than any of my other pregnancies
-i surprised myself that noel and i went to the sweaty betty grand opening event on april 25th (even though i had to go back later in the day to correct and overage on my receipt (but i bought something else too))
-mom cooked like crazy - and everyone enjoyed the fruits of my mom's hard labor in the kitchen
-the fish soup and the organ meat was kept to a minimal amount
-austin did not have to go back to the hospital - and was eating like a champ (he really only fusses when he's hungry). not sure if i was enabling him by squeezing my boobs, because my nursing sessions are super long. and it's really taken about 4 weeks for my nipples to become immune to the burning, searing pain associated with nursing, and i feel like only after 6 weeks has he been able to have shorter more efficient nursing sessions.
-i'm trying to pump a few times a week, but was able to wean him off formula after a few days before his 2 week appt. austin doubled his weight % to almost 20% for his 1 month check up, weighing in at 8 lbs 11oz.
-been able to have some key outings (besides the sweaty betty sale): noel's bday dinner, tutu's bday dinner, sunday mother's day brunch with belin (mom had already left), noel's surprise birthday dinner, uncle hiroji's bday lunch...lots of dining events.
-on a more subtle note, was able to go to dylan's piano recital on may 6th, have been able to walk dylan home from school at least once a week, and have been able to attend some soccer and tennis lessons which has been great.
-i'm also giving myself a lot of props for being able to volunteer on monday for dylan's class to stuff envelopes and help out at the lab, and also attended his field trip to cal academy in the city, before my appt with dr k
i miss having some dedicated time with evan. i've been able to bao-bao sheui-jiao twice...which is hard to do with austin in the docatot and our nursing schedule. will need to work on that.
-we were able to make an appt with dr. connie ho for monday and the lab results confirmed that it was not shingles
-i was able to be out and about, and be more mobile, more so than any of my other pregnancies
-i surprised myself that noel and i went to the sweaty betty grand opening event on april 25th (even though i had to go back later in the day to correct and overage on my receipt (but i bought something else too))
-mom cooked like crazy - and everyone enjoyed the fruits of my mom's hard labor in the kitchen
-the fish soup and the organ meat was kept to a minimal amount
-austin did not have to go back to the hospital - and was eating like a champ (he really only fusses when he's hungry). not sure if i was enabling him by squeezing my boobs, because my nursing sessions are super long. and it's really taken about 4 weeks for my nipples to become immune to the burning, searing pain associated with nursing, and i feel like only after 6 weeks has he been able to have shorter more efficient nursing sessions.
-i'm trying to pump a few times a week, but was able to wean him off formula after a few days before his 2 week appt. austin doubled his weight % to almost 20% for his 1 month check up, weighing in at 8 lbs 11oz.
-been able to have some key outings (besides the sweaty betty sale): noel's bday dinner, tutu's bday dinner, sunday mother's day brunch with belin (mom had already left), noel's surprise birthday dinner, uncle hiroji's bday lunch...lots of dining events.
-on a more subtle note, was able to go to dylan's piano recital on may 6th, have been able to walk dylan home from school at least once a week, and have been able to attend some soccer and tennis lessons which has been great.
-i'm also giving myself a lot of props for being able to volunteer on monday for dylan's class to stuff envelopes and help out at the lab, and also attended his field trip to cal academy in the city, before my appt with dr k
i miss having some dedicated time with evan. i've been able to bao-bao sheui-jiao twice...which is hard to do with austin in the docatot and our nursing schedule. will need to work on that.
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