a new low

so it was tuesday the 9th, and i had already committed dylan to submit a science project for school. after one of my many feedings with austin - i hauled him with me to Michaels to buy supplies for dylan's project. mid-way through our shopping trip, he started crying because he was hungry. i had a swaddle blanket on top, and some of the poster board on top of the stroller. i knew he was hungry. this woman came up to me and asked if the baby was ok. i said he was fine, he's hungry. she said that i think the baby needs to be held. i said he's hungry and we just need to go home. i finished up my shopping and headed home.

2 hours later, im peeing in the downstairs bathroom and i hear annie at the door. i come out and apparently the woman had followed me out to my car, and had called child protection services at redwood city, who then called the san mateo county police to send someone to check up on my kids. austin was in the pack n play, dylan was tooling around, evan was taking a nap upstairs. he said the baby seems fine, my older child seems fine. I said i have another one upstairs if we wanted to check up on him as well. he said "might as well since i'm here." i asked if this is going on my record or anything, and he told me to not worry about it, and that it was better to be safe than sorry.

i was:
furious
insulted
humiliated
livid
ashamed
depressed
devastated
(insert infinite negative emotions here)

there was no way i was going to take austin out of the car seat, have him smell my milk and go crazy. my best case scenario was to go home and feed him. i wasn't about to feed him at michaels for an hour feeding him with the plastic plants and stickers.

i called brian afterwards who thought it was ridiculous. i had texted sue, kathy, belinda sobbed to katie maderios, dr. clearly, and recently told ceri. peggy, the other nurse and Dr Katz thought it was ridiculous. Of course Dr K. had the good perspective of saying that if there were 1% chance of helping a child who was truly in need, then it's worth it for these busy bodies to be in everyone's business.

i thought about contacting the county to give this woman a piece of my mind...but don't want to dwell on anything that's negative in my life. what's sad is that this hits at my core. exacerbating my doubts on my capabilities of being a good mom for all of my boys. All i can do is my best. And i resent being judged by other. but i need to let that go.

Let. It. Go.