happy birthday musubi

it's another year, and i don't think i'll ever be on the other side of grief. brian sent me the link to that feature on yahoo homepage about photographers donating their talents to families such as ours. the organization is called asilaymedowntosleep.org. i still don't think that i could share the same attitude as the father who was featured. he was just so positive and happy about the outcome. i don't think i'll ever get there. or as dylan would say "absolutely not."

i didn't get musubi anything this year, and we didn't get to take our family retreat, but i did take the day off, ran some life errands, had a personal training session, had lunch with b at john bentley's, had a spa appt, picked up d from preschool and met b and d at burgess for his soccer class. i wanted to have family weekend this past weekend, but b was ill. i do have this odd relationship with my body. i wouldn't call it a love/hate relationship, more like a dislike/hate relationship. i was staring at myself in the mirror today, looking at this vessel that has brought forth 2 amazing little boys, and let down 1 amazing, precious angel. i still don't know if i could ever forgive my body...although i know that path leads to no where positive.

evan is scooting around on his back and big belly. his skin is still really sensitive, and poor thing has a bump near his bunghole. we need to soak his bum in epsom salt and apply fungal cream to it 3Xs a day. i hope it gets better soon. he's not really taking to solid foods very well. so far he's turned down carrots, and is not a fan of avocados. he can somewhat dissolve a mum mum in his mouth, but is also effectively spitting out his oatmeal. not sure how we're going to transition him to more solids. he can still light up a room with his smile and his laugh.

both boys are going to music together now. dylan loves it and i believe evan is quite musical as well. he loves his maracas. dylan loves to listen to the radio and his 2 favorites are timber by keisha and pitbull and the song by pompeii, first discovered at mark liu's house. i think i'm also trying to influence his musical taste by introducing him to the justin timberlake song i'm loving right now: Not a bad thing.

loving all my boys and missing my musubi so much it hurts.