Friday, December 29, 2017
30+10
It’s still hard for me to embrace getting older. But it’s futile and insane for me to be sad, bitter, wistful for times gone by and to resist the inevitable. 30+10 if something that brian came up with. He and the boys bought be a David Yurman necklace and took e to Fleming’s for dinner. I am well loved by my boys. So why am I so solemn and melancholy sometimes? I really want the next decades to be filled with happiness, love, and laugheter. The boys are growing up so fast, which means I am getting older at the same rate. *sigh. Nothing I can do about it but focus on the positive and the present...not on this postpartum pooch that I can’t see to get rid of.
Bravo barcelona
Bravo barcelona
Well we almost didn’t make the flight. The day was long as it started out with a 7am call in for the Sheila marketing meeting and me trekking to Fremont to get my hair done and then calling into product review, reviewing tv scripts and email. I didn’t anticipate that it would take 5 hours for the process to be done. I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it. Sadly the damaged aspects of my hair makes myself hair thicker for whatever few strands I have left. I am trying to focus on the positive. we had to leave at 4 pm, but it took an extra 15 min for me to pack. Traffics on 92 and getting off on Hillsdale was like a parking lot. B was so mad. He kept on saying that we were going to miss the flight and that if we missed it that he wasn’t going. So mad, and so negative - it was all quite upsetting. The boys were all ready to go at foster city and we made good time to the airport. Strangely enough the computers were down so no one could get their boarding pass or even board on the plane for over an hour. We pretty much just sat by the ticketing booth waiting for the computers to be fixed. The boys were very well behaved at the airport and on the flight. They gorged on tv/movies and slept. The movie selection wasn’t great considering the fact that I usually use these long flights to catch up on over a years worth of movies...but there was nothing great.
We arrived to the airbnb and the apartment suited us well - it was exactly as it was listed. Clean, newish, spacious for our family. We started things off by going to get dinner and it was our first luxe guide restaurant. From here on out, I will always get a luxe guide for our travels and trust their recommendations. It was spot on for all our pit stops for food and drink. The first place we went to was a huge space, like a fancy food court with several options...and we started things off right by going to a tapas joint. It was our first experience with razor clams and other tapas which did not disappoint. After dinner we also headed to the mall to go their grocery store downstairs, it was a good way to orient ourselves with the city and get situated in our apartment.
I still can’t believe all that we did in that short period of tie. 10+ museums, everything from the maritime museum, Egyptian museum, Picasso Museu, contemporary art museum, chocolate museum, Jamon experience, Parc Güell, casa Pedrera, Casa Milá, Miro museum, the science Museum, the aquarium, etc. We also went to a castle, where I nursed Austin sitting on a cannon, rode the hop on hop off bus tour, rode a cable car, and we also went toe the FCB Museum. My favorites included watching the Spanish guitar and flamenco dancing at the beautiful Palau de la musica, walking around Barri gotic, eating jamon, the boys loving all the food, ordering another bone marrow, Dylan wanting to try “a little bit of everything” and all the boys being such great travelers. I have to admit that I was a little nervous traveling without another set of adult hands around, but everything was great. The weather was perfect, just a slight drizzle the last day, and there wasn’t any sense of revolutionary danger.... Just a few minor do-overs, like not buying the Barcelona Passes for the boys, realizing that they also had children’s audio tours, not getting the closing tie right for the big national art museum in the park, buying the non-Spanish guitar CD from the guy who was playing Spanish guitar in the old quarter, and missing the closing time for the big department store the night of Black Friday, when I snuck out and bought 2 seaters from COS, but that’s about it. I found it odd how many people in Barcelona smoke - young, old, men and women all smoke, and still don’t know why they have those funny shaped toilets that lend themelves to nasty skid marks.
I bought a few souvenirs, and got a head start with gifts for Xmas, fcb shirt and bottle opener for Ian, bracelet for Isabella, small pencil case, bookmark and chocolates for Sofia, but my favorite was the print of darth vador using his light saber to click jamon. I ended up getting a super soft cream sweater, a grey sweater, blue short sleeve sweater, a blue canvas bag, pink button down shirt and 3 bracelets. I usually always get a bag/piece of jewelry when I travel. I bought a compass for Dylan for Xmas and Evan a fancy storm trooper and airplane shirts. The boys were really into souvenirs. In fact I think they wanted to go to use us just to get a souvenir, but at least Dylan was really into the audio tours. Of all the audio tours the one at Sagrada Familia was probably the least impressive, although the church was pretty spectacular. I really liked the tour at Casa Milá with the augmented reality through the phone. That was pretty cool.
The food was delicious. I ate my face off, thoroughly enjoyed myself for lunch and dinner (breakfast was mainly at our Airbnb and I consider it a win that I only gained less than 2 lbs on that trip. That’s another reason why I love going on vacation. I feel like you can really enjoy the food and culture and you do so walking that it nets out to be pretty even from the weight perspective. It was such a high going on that trip...certainly filled with many happy memories as I closed out that decade. I really love traveling with all my boys. I hope when they grow up they appreciate how hard we work to make these trips happen for our family.
Random memories:
-off-roading with the key fit caddy stroller down the hill to get to lunch
-watching Wonder Woman and last man on earth TV series on the flight. Starving on the loooooong flight home.
-Dylan playing with Austin, chasing him around on the floor at our appt
-Evan losing his water bottle and me finding it at the science museum
-the game of thrones exhibit at the maritime museum that we did not go to
-Eating ramen in Barcelona (the only restaurant we had to wait for a table)
-cost 10 caco beans for a rabbit or prostitute. 100 for a slave.
-Dylan eating foie gras for thanksgiving
-still losing a lot of hair and having scalp issues
Well we almost didn’t make the flight. The day was long as it started out with a 7am call in for the Sheila marketing meeting and me trekking to Fremont to get my hair done and then calling into product review, reviewing tv scripts and email. I didn’t anticipate that it would take 5 hours for the process to be done. I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it. Sadly the damaged aspects of my hair makes myself hair thicker for whatever few strands I have left. I am trying to focus on the positive. we had to leave at 4 pm, but it took an extra 15 min for me to pack. Traffics on 92 and getting off on Hillsdale was like a parking lot. B was so mad. He kept on saying that we were going to miss the flight and that if we missed it that he wasn’t going. So mad, and so negative - it was all quite upsetting. The boys were all ready to go at foster city and we made good time to the airport. Strangely enough the computers were down so no one could get their boarding pass or even board on the plane for over an hour. We pretty much just sat by the ticketing booth waiting for the computers to be fixed. The boys were very well behaved at the airport and on the flight. They gorged on tv/movies and slept. The movie selection wasn’t great considering the fact that I usually use these long flights to catch up on over a years worth of movies...but there was nothing great.
We arrived to the airbnb and the apartment suited us well - it was exactly as it was listed. Clean, newish, spacious for our family. We started things off by going to get dinner and it was our first luxe guide restaurant. From here on out, I will always get a luxe guide for our travels and trust their recommendations. It was spot on for all our pit stops for food and drink. The first place we went to was a huge space, like a fancy food court with several options...and we started things off right by going to a tapas joint. It was our first experience with razor clams and other tapas which did not disappoint. After dinner we also headed to the mall to go their grocery store downstairs, it was a good way to orient ourselves with the city and get situated in our apartment.
I still can’t believe all that we did in that short period of tie. 10+ museums, everything from the maritime museum, Egyptian museum, Picasso Museu, contemporary art museum, chocolate museum, Jamon experience, Parc Güell, casa Pedrera, Casa Milá, Miro museum, the science Museum, the aquarium, etc. We also went to a castle, where I nursed Austin sitting on a cannon, rode the hop on hop off bus tour, rode a cable car, and we also went toe the FCB Museum. My favorites included watching the Spanish guitar and flamenco dancing at the beautiful Palau de la musica, walking around Barri gotic, eating jamon, the boys loving all the food, ordering another bone marrow, Dylan wanting to try “a little bit of everything” and all the boys being such great travelers. I have to admit that I was a little nervous traveling without another set of adult hands around, but everything was great. The weather was perfect, just a slight drizzle the last day, and there wasn’t any sense of revolutionary danger.... Just a few minor do-overs, like not buying the Barcelona Passes for the boys, realizing that they also had children’s audio tours, not getting the closing tie right for the big national art museum in the park, buying the non-Spanish guitar CD from the guy who was playing Spanish guitar in the old quarter, and missing the closing time for the big department store the night of Black Friday, when I snuck out and bought 2 seaters from COS, but that’s about it. I found it odd how many people in Barcelona smoke - young, old, men and women all smoke, and still don’t know why they have those funny shaped toilets that lend themelves to nasty skid marks.
I bought a few souvenirs, and got a head start with gifts for Xmas, fcb shirt and bottle opener for Ian, bracelet for Isabella, small pencil case, bookmark and chocolates for Sofia, but my favorite was the print of darth vador using his light saber to click jamon. I ended up getting a super soft cream sweater, a grey sweater, blue short sleeve sweater, a blue canvas bag, pink button down shirt and 3 bracelets. I usually always get a bag/piece of jewelry when I travel. I bought a compass for Dylan for Xmas and Evan a fancy storm trooper and airplane shirts. The boys were really into souvenirs. In fact I think they wanted to go to use us just to get a souvenir, but at least Dylan was really into the audio tours. Of all the audio tours the one at Sagrada Familia was probably the least impressive, although the church was pretty spectacular. I really liked the tour at Casa Milá with the augmented reality through the phone. That was pretty cool.
The food was delicious. I ate my face off, thoroughly enjoyed myself for lunch and dinner (breakfast was mainly at our Airbnb and I consider it a win that I only gained less than 2 lbs on that trip. That’s another reason why I love going on vacation. I feel like you can really enjoy the food and culture and you do so walking that it nets out to be pretty even from the weight perspective. It was such a high going on that trip...certainly filled with many happy memories as I closed out that decade. I really love traveling with all my boys. I hope when they grow up they appreciate how hard we work to make these trips happen for our family.
Random memories:
-off-roading with the key fit caddy stroller down the hill to get to lunch
-watching Wonder Woman and last man on earth TV series on the flight. Starving on the loooooong flight home.
-Dylan playing with Austin, chasing him around on the floor at our appt
-Evan losing his water bottle and me finding it at the science museum
-the game of thrones exhibit at the maritime museum that we did not go to
-Eating ramen in Barcelona (the only restaurant we had to wait for a table)
-cost 10 caco beans for a rabbit or prostitute. 100 for a slave.
-Dylan eating foie gras for thanksgiving
-still losing a lot of hair and having scalp issues
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
the day before
well i knew that it was going to come, sooner rather than later. not sure how i feel about it. neutral at best is a little sad. but at this point, am i not beyond doing things or feelings things because "i should". seems more pragmatic and less stressful to just be. and accept that.
but i don't want to disappoint dylan. he's so excited for my birthday tomorrow. today he kept on wanting me to guess what my birthday gift is going to be. i knew that he would try to tell me in all his excitement, so i told him that i'll wait until my real birthday to guess.
Evan is passed out...still hasn't quite adjusted to the time difference from spain, like little austin - who has also been napping for the last 5 years.
Spain however was a wonderful family trip. I'll save the details for another post, but as for a birthday gift/trip - those memories will stay with me forever. and i'm all about experiences these days (altho a little sparkle never hurt anybody). it started out super stressful, with all the traffic heading the airport, and me leaving 15 min later than ideal because of my 5 hour hair processing appointment...but i suppose that this is one of my new resolutions is to be more time sensitive. I want to stress less, but also be better about time. This suggests that I'm more efficient, or at least more realistic and I suppose less optimistic about time. but then this conflicts with my other resolution about being more optimistic in this new decade. I absolutely want to be and express more gratitude. life really is too short. i have a wonderful family. everyone is still healthy. i am so lucky to have amazing in-laws, brian and all my boys. i've reached the VP level, at a company that is 2.3 miles from my house, doing meaningful work for a mission based company, friends that i can rely on and call/catch up with at anytime with no love lost if we don't connect very often, and of course a warped body image issue which is still a work in progress, but at least i'm not in denial about it. i used to think that by 40 i would be in the best shape of my life. i did not anticipate that i would be worried about my milk supply and my ability to detect weather changes via my c-section scar. i still an not accepting of my muffin top for the long-term, but hopefully more forgiving for my shape as i can only try my best, and hope that it's good enough for me. isn't that a bizarre statement to make? yet it somehow sums up the conflict of having high expectations and being happy.
i did like mom and dad's message in the flower bouquet they sent. I'm really only increasing my value over time. If i had birthday wishes, i would wish for health and happiness for my family and me. pretty simple.
again, i can only try my best, and hope that it's good enough for me. happy birthday to me.
but i don't want to disappoint dylan. he's so excited for my birthday tomorrow. today he kept on wanting me to guess what my birthday gift is going to be. i knew that he would try to tell me in all his excitement, so i told him that i'll wait until my real birthday to guess.
Evan is passed out...still hasn't quite adjusted to the time difference from spain, like little austin - who has also been napping for the last 5 years.
Spain however was a wonderful family trip. I'll save the details for another post, but as for a birthday gift/trip - those memories will stay with me forever. and i'm all about experiences these days (altho a little sparkle never hurt anybody). it started out super stressful, with all the traffic heading the airport, and me leaving 15 min later than ideal because of my 5 hour hair processing appointment...but i suppose that this is one of my new resolutions is to be more time sensitive. I want to stress less, but also be better about time. This suggests that I'm more efficient, or at least more realistic and I suppose less optimistic about time. but then this conflicts with my other resolution about being more optimistic in this new decade. I absolutely want to be and express more gratitude. life really is too short. i have a wonderful family. everyone is still healthy. i am so lucky to have amazing in-laws, brian and all my boys. i've reached the VP level, at a company that is 2.3 miles from my house, doing meaningful work for a mission based company, friends that i can rely on and call/catch up with at anytime with no love lost if we don't connect very often, and of course a warped body image issue which is still a work in progress, but at least i'm not in denial about it. i used to think that by 40 i would be in the best shape of my life. i did not anticipate that i would be worried about my milk supply and my ability to detect weather changes via my c-section scar. i still an not accepting of my muffin top for the long-term, but hopefully more forgiving for my shape as i can only try my best, and hope that it's good enough for me. isn't that a bizarre statement to make? yet it somehow sums up the conflict of having high expectations and being happy.
i did like mom and dad's message in the flower bouquet they sent. I'm really only increasing my value over time. If i had birthday wishes, i would wish for health and happiness for my family and me. pretty simple.
again, i can only try my best, and hope that it's good enough for me. happy birthday to me.
Friday, October 6, 2017
funny sayings
a few weeks ago dylan said that "austin's head smells like truffle chips" and evan said that the sunset looked like an abalone shell. so proud of their use of language.
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
not enough
just finished updating Austin's baby book and have pretty much finished both evan and dylan's first year books. i've neglected pretty much everything over the last few days trying to pull this together. it's something that i hope they'll appreciate, and their future families appreciate in the years ahead.
not enough time to enjoy the boys. not enough time to hear evan say "Oh-Kaye". not enough time to watch Austin play with his toes. not enough time to hear the boys banter in chinese in their rooms. not enough time to overhear conversations like this:
dylan - "evan that looks dangerous." evan - "I know!!!" with glee. not enough time to continue to help brian with his practice marketing - updating his emails, revamping his paid search accounts. not enough time to help plan our Spain trip. not enough time to work out. not enough time to plan evan's birthday party for THIS weekend. not enough time to help Dylan with his penmanship, piano and play his math games. not enough time to help evan perfect his "twinkle, twinkle little star." not enough time to spend time with brian. not enough time to be kind to myself. not enough time for gratitude. and i really need to make the time for gratitude. but now - i need to eat, order decorations for evan's party and feed austin again.
not enough time to enjoy the boys. not enough time to hear evan say "Oh-Kaye". not enough time to watch Austin play with his toes. not enough time to hear the boys banter in chinese in their rooms. not enough time to overhear conversations like this:
dylan - "evan that looks dangerous." evan - "I know!!!" with glee. not enough time to continue to help brian with his practice marketing - updating his emails, revamping his paid search accounts. not enough time to help plan our Spain trip. not enough time to work out. not enough time to plan evan's birthday party for THIS weekend. not enough time to help Dylan with his penmanship, piano and play his math games. not enough time to help evan perfect his "twinkle, twinkle little star." not enough time to spend time with brian. not enough time to be kind to myself. not enough time for gratitude. and i really need to make the time for gratitude. but now - i need to eat, order decorations for evan's party and feed austin again.
Monday, September 18, 2017
i work hard
I work hard. i'm too smart not to, and i'm not smart enough not to. this year has been a tremendous year. and like how i've described how it's like to have 3 boys, i say that the highs are high and the lows are low. we have a beautiful baby boy and i'm turning 40. 2 tremendous milestones and there's a bittersweet sadness to it all.
this is my last tuesday of maternity leave before i go back to work this thursday. i've been desperately trying to cram everything in. archiving all the boys' art projects, and also finishing up everyone's baby book. i spent all weekend with brian being gone in scottsdale working on their baby books, which was probably not the best time to do so, considering how emotional i am going back to work and reflecting on this magical summer.
i don't feel guilty when i think about going back to work. I feel sad. And I feel this way for many reasons. i spent my 20s sprinting up the corporate ladder and making the best decision of my life marrying brian. my ambition was to go hard and professional achieve as much as possible. I definitely wanted to be Director before 30, and wanted more, more, more. There was little differentiation between my social life and professional life, so balance wasn't really factor. And then I got married.
Needing to be home for dinner, having a life partner, traveling together before kids became a priority. My 30s were about living a life as a couple, to start a family. It wasn't about me anymore. It was about them...our future, our kids. Professionally I wasn't going to make it to VP at Sephora, as frustrating as that was...and bigger priorities started coming into play. Being close to home, to be closer to the boys and b's practice started to factor in. Deciding to take the role at Care.com, working hard to gain traction, establish myself in a new company, make a difference and get promoted to VP to set myself up for future consulting gigs was the professional focus. Taking a full-time job with good maternity benefits was also a factor and a significant one, since the decision to have more kids was more of an impromptu situation, but getting through another pregnancy cleary became a priority. And now there are 3 boys, and i'm turning 40.
so now what. i don't really care about proving myself professionally anymore. I'm not gunning for a CMO role, a larger team, or more responsibility. More money, maybe - but is that really the point? I don't want to dismiss the impact that money has in our household, or livelihood, but then as i grow up - time has become much more valuable than money. so then what.
if i work so hard - what should i be working for. to earn money to pay for opportunities for my kids to have their extracurricular activities? for vacations? should i work with my children to help them become better citizens of the world? who gets to benefit from what kind of work i should do? should i work for the practice to see if that would help our household? Time is the most valuable asset to me now. How am i going to make the best of it?
this is my last tuesday of maternity leave before i go back to work this thursday. i've been desperately trying to cram everything in. archiving all the boys' art projects, and also finishing up everyone's baby book. i spent all weekend with brian being gone in scottsdale working on their baby books, which was probably not the best time to do so, considering how emotional i am going back to work and reflecting on this magical summer.
i don't feel guilty when i think about going back to work. I feel sad. And I feel this way for many reasons. i spent my 20s sprinting up the corporate ladder and making the best decision of my life marrying brian. my ambition was to go hard and professional achieve as much as possible. I definitely wanted to be Director before 30, and wanted more, more, more. There was little differentiation between my social life and professional life, so balance wasn't really factor. And then I got married.
Needing to be home for dinner, having a life partner, traveling together before kids became a priority. My 30s were about living a life as a couple, to start a family. It wasn't about me anymore. It was about them...our future, our kids. Professionally I wasn't going to make it to VP at Sephora, as frustrating as that was...and bigger priorities started coming into play. Being close to home, to be closer to the boys and b's practice started to factor in. Deciding to take the role at Care.com, working hard to gain traction, establish myself in a new company, make a difference and get promoted to VP to set myself up for future consulting gigs was the professional focus. Taking a full-time job with good maternity benefits was also a factor and a significant one, since the decision to have more kids was more of an impromptu situation, but getting through another pregnancy cleary became a priority. And now there are 3 boys, and i'm turning 40.
so now what. i don't really care about proving myself professionally anymore. I'm not gunning for a CMO role, a larger team, or more responsibility. More money, maybe - but is that really the point? I don't want to dismiss the impact that money has in our household, or livelihood, but then as i grow up - time has become much more valuable than money. so then what.
if i work so hard - what should i be working for. to earn money to pay for opportunities for my kids to have their extracurricular activities? for vacations? should i work with my children to help them become better citizens of the world? who gets to benefit from what kind of work i should do? should i work for the practice to see if that would help our household? Time is the most valuable asset to me now. How am i going to make the best of it?
Monday, September 11, 2017
teeth
August 28th - dylan lost his first tooth. Or more accurately he tied floss to his loose tooth and used a pull back car to rip it out of his mouth! he's braver than i am. he wrote about it in the tooth book for school - but I think we're still waiting on the letter to the tooth fairy. TBC.
as dylan loses his teeth - austin had his 2 bottom teeth break through as well. My babies are growing up too fast?
coincidentally Annie also lost a tooth. Dylan has made a comment about that as well...and hopefully it wasn't too offensive.
as dylan loses his teeth - austin had his 2 bottom teeth break through as well. My babies are growing up too fast?
coincidentally Annie also lost a tooth. Dylan has made a comment about that as well...and hopefully it wasn't too offensive.
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